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Woah! That Kid Just Took the Stairs 2 at a Time, Must Be an ROTC Student!

Trent Montgomery, Sophomore and first star KP Private in the Madison ROTC, has been making headlines on campus. Montgomery was sighted going up the stairs near Bascom Hill two at a time, reaching blinding speeds and astonishing witnesses with his physical prowess.

When questioned on his unorthodox transportation Montgomery had an inspirational statement:

“You know, I’ve just found it to be a great way to train yourself, both physically and mentally. Nothing prepares you for the battle of getting up Bascom quite like going full primal on those stairs. I’d go on all fours if I could, but you gotta keep those hands free if ya know what I mean. Sometimes I’ll carry white claws around. That way I can get used to the feel of weight in my hands– it’s good prep.”

Montgomery claims that his method is so much more efficient it has saved him up to 30 seconds over the course of the semester. He uses this extra time to work out between classes, fitting in single push-up sets that put him at the top of his class in the ROTC program.

When bystanders were asked about their opinions of the exercise, known as the Montgomery Method. Jack Willmontson said, “Wait, isn’t he that kid that runs up the stairs and then vomits every day? He just lays in it for like a minute, I’ve called an ambulance on him 4 times. Are you telling me that’s all intentional?”


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