top of page

"Yea...just a costume," Says Nervous Mummy Freshman

Freshman Cletus Patrick seemed a bit too worried when someone asked him at a Holloweekend party if he was dressed as a mummy. Patrick responded with “It’s just a costume! Yeah… just a costume…”

This nervous exchange followed a brief encounter on the balcony where Patrick’s teeth began to fall out. According to sources, this was seen by many as “a really cool part of the costume” and mostly overlooked by spectators. 

“I walked in on him in the bathroom on accident,” says one party attendant. “He was putting a salve on under his robes, but his skin was totally green. I’m talking bumpy and shit too.” 

They would go on to recount how Patrick yelled a sort of “hissing screech” upon being walked in on. “I’m pretty sure a scarab flew out of his mouth, too, but I’m not sure.”

Numerous onlookers corroborated a story about Patrick who, upon grabbing a beer from the cooler, had his “seriously realistic looking” prop hand fall off and into the cooler. 

“He really freaked out after that,” one party attendant explained. “Like he looked around and just kinda hoped no one noticed, I think, but you could tell from his look that he was super anxious about that.”

Patrick reportedly left the party early after this event. Before leaving, when asked where he was going, Patrick allegedly said “to rebalance the akh.” He was seen by attendees later on in the night playing with beetles on Gilman St.


bottom of page