Crows are known for their big big brains, but are they actually capable of flying? The large number of corvid comrades on campus recently has people wondering and worrying. In an effort to maintain our status as the top source for news on campus, we sent our reporter balls deep into the bowels of the zoology department to find an ornithologist. Below is a transcript of our brave, Pulitzer-deserving interview:
“Yes, 100% yes. They are capable of flight. Is this even a question?” was the ambiguous response of a local ornithologist who we bribed with half a sandwich to sit down with the Misnomer for an interview.
Madison Misnomer: “So… can crows fly? Give us a clear answer.”
Bird man: “Yes. I have told you this five times now. Crows are definitely capable of flight. Have you never seen a crow before?”
MM: “We’ve read that crows have a very small brain, but are very smart. Does this mean they have figured out astrophysics well enough to fly?”
Bird man: “No… they can… they have wings and millions of years of evolution has enabled them to… What is this interview for again?”
MM: “That’s beside the point. Dr. Birdman, onto the next question. Some studies have shown that crows are capable of tool use. Do any of these tools happen to be miniature jetpacks or tiny wings?”
Bird man: “Crows are birds”
MM: “Yes.”
Bird man: “And therefore they should have wings?”
MM: “We can confirm that this is true”
Bird man: “So wouldn’t they just use their wings to fly?”
MM: “Not without an advanced knowledge of aeronautics and space-age technology.”
Bird man: “Yeah this interview is over.”
The mystery as to whether or not crows can fly remains unsolved. The world may never know.
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