With the world shutting down in a rapid descent to hell, the University of Wisconsin-Madison has decided to throw its students a bone and offer the possibility of taking classes as pass/fail. This has been a saving grace for all the students who decided to use the end of times as an extended spring break. However, not all students have an equal opportunity for taking the easy way out of classes. Some have parents who believe a global pandemic is no excuse for getting anything less than an A.
Jason Stevens, a sophomore studying Genetics, made the mistake of commenting on the pass/fail decision in front of his father.
“All I said was it’s kinda nice to have in my back pocket. I have all B’s right now, but holy fuck, Dad didn’t take it well. He started calling me a loser and throwing sour cream at me. He calls it the pass/fail cheese for his pass/fail son.”
Jason’s father, Micheal Stevens, is a 54 year old engineer with a bachelor of science from the University of Phoenix. He claims that if he could learn online while blackout drunk, then his son should be able to ace his Calc 3 class with or without the ability to breathe. When asked about his side of the story, Mr. Stevens had this to say:
“My weak ass son comes out bitching about his grades, as if going to college is so hard. He would get better grades if he didn’t spend so much time on the yup-tub or whatever the fuck it’s called. He said he had the option of taking some classes pass/fail. So I, being the great father I am, told him that his classes are always pass/fail: he either gets an A and passes or gets less and fails his life. That little asshole can pass/fail these hands, and that's not an open-note exam.”
Jason responded to these comments by calling his father an “egg-sucking boomer” and saying he couldn’t wait until he could pull his life support.