Young Republicans Organize “Yes Kings” Protest Next Weekend

UW Madison’s chapter of the Young Republicans announced today that they will be hosting a “Yes Kings” protest at the State Capitol building next weekend to show their public support for authoritarianism and government overreach, as well as to “own the libs”, after the recent “No Kings” protests held nationwide.

According to a press release, the protest aims to “show solidarity for the first King of the United States and to call for an official coronation, paid for exclusively with tax dollars that could be used to support ‘woke’ programs such as Social Security and Medicare.” The statement clarifies that the “Yes Kings” protest not in support of a monarchy per se, but rather in support of “the abolishment of all three branches of government and any checks and balances that may contribute to a fair and just system.”

Participants are encouraged to dress in rags and look disheveled to emulate medieval peasants, and to create large signs depicting the president in a crown with a large golden scepter and other regalia befitting a king. When we reached out to the Young Republicans for comment, their social media manager, Bradley Davidson Rothwell, said that the event is expected to feature exclusive onsite interviews with lead writers of the Madison Federalist, readings of select passages from “The Art of the Deal”, and a ceremonial coronation of “King” Trump, which they believe will serve as an interim until his real coronation may take place.

“We’re just tired of this constant negativity, you know?” Rothwell said. “It just feels like everyone’s saying “no Kings, no deportations, no Nazis”. Well, we’re just exercising our First Amendment right to protest and standing up for what we think is right, and we’re gonna say yes. Yes, Kings.” The announcement has already sparked responses from various groups on campus, with the College Democrats releasing a statement calling the event “deeply concerning and unserious” and “promoting the lack of term limits in a democratic system”. Meanwhile, Chancellor Mnookin released a statement, which simply read “Democrat protest bad! Republican protest good! All hail King Trump!”

The event’s itinerary, distributed in the club’s Signal group chat, which the Misnomer was added to for some reason, lists several activities under the header, “Patriotism”, including an “Undermine the Constitution” trivia quiz, a “Salute the Flag” endurance contest, and a “Best Ode To King Trump” poetry writing competition. The event will also feature a special appearance by JD Vance as well as Erika Kirk, who have been inseparable ever since Charlie Kirk’s funeral. Participants will also compete reading Donald Trump quotes (edited down severely for cohesiveness) “passionately” with the winner receiving a pair of the Trump 45 Sneakers, currently valued at $6, but invaluable to those with true heart and devotion for their country. 

When asked whether the group would be holding a “Yes Queens” protest at some point in the near future, Rothwell dismissed the idea, stating, “Well, we don’t support any queens or women in America, and also, that just feels too performative. We just want to do what’s right for our country, you know?” The club expects between 6 or 7 attendees, depending on whether the weather cooperates and if Rothwell’s parents can pick people up after their GEN BUS 50 lecture. 

Despite negative reactions from the student body, the organizers are optimistic, claiming, “We just want to have a fair and equal society with other people who look exactly like us and share our values. Is that too much to ask?” Whether the UW-Madison student body agrees that this self-affirming and highly racially selective society is the pinnacle of humanity still remains to be seen, but the “Yes Kings” protest will be happening regardless. They are unruffled by those against them, preparing to meet any dissent or counter-arguments with the infallible argument  “Yeah, but what about trans people?”, before going back to exactly what they were doing before.