This presidential election season has been tough on everyone, but there is perhaps no group that has been more disappointed and disenfranchised than the nascent american left. From the moment that Pete Butigieg declared victory in Iowa with zero percent of votes cast, many have felt like their voices aren’t being heard by the democratic party. Despite all of the woke Pelosi claps and cries of “c’mon.. Man!” from Biden, leftists are disengaging and largely ignoring the whole democratic party. However, there is hope! According to the Misnomer’s crack team of unpaid electoral analysts and TI-84 based algorithms, here are 5 scenarios for how Bernie Sanders can still win this:
Iowa caucus recount: Let’s face it, nothing was consistent in terms of vote counting during the primary after Iowa. Mayor Pete’s mysterious declaration should’ve been enough for international election officials to get involved. Surely if there is a new investigation we will demand a full recount of primary votes across the country! Bernie will then become the new nominee, deposing Joe biden and triggering a new election.
Channel the energy from the Nevada Caucus: That cool February day was the last time many of us were able to feel joy. If we all concentrate, light incense, and channel those unmatched good vibes, perhaps we can turn the tide.
Joe Biden declares Bernie president: Joe Biden is a very old man and clearly not as sharp as he used to be. His numerous gaffes have proven that he’ll say just about anything. That kind of loose cannon behavior could easily lead to him simply saying: “Listen man… c’mon man… Bernie’s gotta step in. I gotta be back in Wilmington to drive those long cars and take my steady gal for an ice cream at the soda fountain. Aww man, I shouldn’t have said that” Boom. Bernie is president.
Give him a gun: Just give Bernie a gun. He’ll know what to do.
Ask the DNC very nicely: Have they listened to leftists before? No. Is this likely to work? No. But it’s worth a shot!