With former President Donald Trump announcing his candidacy this past November many are wondering if President Joe Biden, who will be 81 at the time of the next election, will run for reelection. Many have openly questioned if Biden will be fit to serve another term, including some within the Democratic Party, leaving many to wonder if he will run at all.
In light of these questions the Biden administration has announced today that it intends to have President Joe Biden perform a backflip, clean, on top of the World Trade Center. This stunning feat of executive athleticism will be televised on all networks prime-time this Friday, and will be the first presidential backflip ever to be broadcasted. Due to the high profile nature of the event, many have speculated that Biden will announce his candidacy during the backflip, possibly when the jump is at its apex.
However, before Biden attempts the flip, other top Democratic leaders will also perform various acts. According to White House officials Kamala Harris will be performing the cup song, along with Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer dancing the samba. The penultimate performance will be taken by Joe Manchin, who will sing Amazing Grace without looking at the words. However, despite the full weight of the Democratic Party’s wide ranging talents, Joe Biden’s backflip remains the most anticipated event of the night.
“He’s been practicing all week, and we think he’s ready,” said First Lady Jill Biden. “He started out barely able to do a quarter of a backflip, and now we can hardly stop him from doing it. Joe is so dang flippin awesome.”
Misnomer sources close… too close… to the President have noted that some within the administration may not be entirely on board with the plan. Members of the Secret Service have begun talking about the serious possibility that while on top of the World Trade Center the President could be swept away by a stiff gust of wind, or perhaps carried away by a Golden Eagle. Others still have questions about the President’s ability to perform the backflip, cleanly, especially under such extreme circumstances.
“Personally, I think Mr. Biden can perform a backflip, I just don’t know if he can do it clean,” said retired professional skateboarder and recently appointed White House aide Tony Hawk. At least we think it was Tony Hawk. “When I look at Joe I see a man with the lifeforce to do the backflip, I just don’t know if his heart will stay the course long enough for him to make it shine.”
Will President Biden be able to do a backflip in order to quell doubts about his health? Find out this Friday at 8pmEST/5pmPST.