1) He plays Frank Zappa’s Orrin Hatch on Skis everytime you enter the room
2) Whenever he sees you he says Utah’s state motto “Industry” over and over again until you say his name
3) His hollow, brittle ribs break from the pounding of his heart whenever you speak
4) Everyday he hunts and catches you a Bonneville Cutthroat Trout
5) His skin hangs lower off of his aging face and body everytime you make eye contact
