With the recent passing of late Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader-Ginsburg, a renewed interest in the high court has brought its Justices back into the public spotlight. And, thanks to the godless state of humanity we currently live in, there are most certainly people turned on by those sexy robes―what could be hiding underneath? In our commitment to our readers, we have compiled a list of the 8 most fuckable Supreme Court Justices for all you degenerates out there to drool over.
1. John Jay
A hottie with a body, John Jay has the originality and classic taste that just gets you horned up. I can attest, this former writer of the Federalist Papers is a Supreme Court Justice who knows how to switch up the power dynamic in the bedroom. John Jay will have you pumped up with enough serotonin to write a brand new Constitution while he eyes you with those longing looks.
2. Thurgood Marshall
A champion for civil rights and a dad-bod icon, Thurgood Marshall is all about equal pleasure for all parties in the bedroom, and can bring the equality of your orgasm to new heights. He’s not just a hot piece of ass, he’s the guy who won Brown v. Board of Education, so you know he's down to teach you something new.
3. Sandra Day O'Connor
The first woman to reside as a Supreme Court Justice isn’t just any old MILF. Sandra Day O’Connor will not be following any defined gender roles in bed. Her idea of breaking the glass ceiling is breaking a mattress, am I right?
4. Sonia Sotomayor
Professional and dignified, Sonia Sotomayor will leave you satisfied yet confused. That’s exactly what she wants.
5. John Roberts
Okay, yes, the only job he has ever held besides serving the Supreme Court was working at his daddy’s company. Yes, he definitely only does missionary and probably cries while he does it. But look at that face. Doesn’t he look wholesome? Doesn’t he look sweet? What he lacks in dick game he makes up for in pillow talk with hot cocoa. He doesn’t fuck your body, he makes love to your heart.
6. Neil Gorsuch
He was appointed by Trump, and then told him to go fuck himself over DACA. Those huge balls alone have got me eyeing him up. Besides, he's a conservative willing to fight for human rights. That means it’s a hate fuck where you don’t have to hate yourself afterwards. Definitely worth the silver pubes.
7. Byron Raymond White (only when he was a football player)
This man played football in the 40’s. You know, back when a hug from mom was considered “adequate safety gear.” Yeah, he definitely had to fuck his way onto the court. But practice makes perfect and he can get you to cum faster than he can catch a pick six. So get in line for daddy White’s particular brand of “rigorous justice”.
8. William Howard Taft
Look at him. Look at this absolute fuck papa of a unit. God damn, don’t you want to just suck the bacon grease off of his luscious moustache? I don’t even have to brag about the fact he was both President and Chief Justice. The mere fact that he was so goddamn thick a bathtub couldn’t handle him should be enough. Just a word of warning, you should top for this one.