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Bascom Hill to Be Renamed Trout Jizz Ridge


It has been four months since Jennifer Mnookin has taken the role of Chancellor here at UW Madison, and finally she has made the first large-scale decision of her tenure. On December 1st, the iconic Bascom Hill will be renamed to the even more iconic Trout Jizz Ridge. This move, which has been widely praised by the student body, comes after decades of freshmen giggling and Marine Biologist overexcitement.

“I mean everyone was thinking it,” said Sylvie Earle, a freshman at the University, “I’m just glad that as a University we can acknowledge this deep biological connection.”

Some University Historians were quick to point out that this iconic landmark of the University is actually named after John Bascom, former President of UW-Madison. Other smarter and overall more fun historians would disagree with these tucked shirt rubes. We talked with resident expert, Patty Fanfisk, about her thoughts on the decision.

“This is easily the best You’d have to be pretty stupid to not see the fishy connection here. BASS-CUM, I mean come on. We’re next to a goddamned lake here, it's all connected, it has to be! ”

Evidently Chancellor Mnookin agrees with Fanfisk‘s position. Although no official statement was made on the name change, sources close to the chancellor say that the decision was very carefully thought out during the UW Administration Halloween rager. According to these inside sources names like Bream Cream Green, Mount Halibut Ejaculate and The Bluefin Emission Position were all pitched as possible alternatives.

So remember, whenever you’re walking up the hill towards Bascom Hall (which has kept its original name, for now) remember, you’re not actually walking up Bascom Hill at all. It’s Trout Jizz Ridge. Remember that. It’s Trout Jizz Ridge. You’re not walking up Bascom Hill, you're walking up Trout Jizz Ridge. Remember that when you walk up it. You must, for Mnokin’s sake.



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