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Brave Americans Sacrifice Lives for Maskless Denny’s Meal

The COVID pandemic has affected us all in a number of ways. Lying scientists and their fake PhDs have been telling us for months to “wear masks” and “socially distance” and “not french kiss strangers in public,” and some brave Americans are finally standing up for their rights. Bud Smithson, a Monona jetski dealership owner and proud supporter of our big hot president recently made waves, not for his fast tiny boats, but for heroically defying the tyrannical government and going to his local Denny’s without a mask.

Although he only made it into the restaurant for a few minutes before being escorted by 2 cowardly “responsible citizens,” Smithson was able to breathe in the sweet smell of grand slams without the unbearable hindrance of a small piece of cloth.

“You know, when our COMMIE governor Tony “Stalin” Evers said that I had to wear a mask in public, I knew I was in for the fight of my life,” said the 53 year old in a recent interview. “First they make us wear masks… what next? Higher taxes? Mandatory gay marriage?? I refuse to let my multiple preexisting conditions hinder my fight against a fascist, communist dictatorship in Wisconsin!”

Smithson, who has Type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, asthma, and heart troubles was fined 200 dollars for the stunt although local police say he “really didn' do anything wrong” and “is really standing up for our rights.” Arresting officers say this whole situation has taken time away from arresting teenagers for small amounts of pot and brutalizing the community. 

When asked whether he was worried about contracting the “virus,” Smithson had this to say: “This whole thing is a Chinese hoax to make Americans afraid so they can get their anarchist, communist, fascist leader Vladamir Putin into the white house. Am I short of breath? Yeah. Does it feel like my lungs are collapsing every minute of the day? Yes. But it ain’t from no damn VIRUS!”

Smithson hopes that his actions will inspire other “true patriots” to “rise up” and demand their right to eat at Denny’s unmasked once again.


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