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BREAKING: Secret Genealogy of News Anchors Deciphered from Leaked DNA Tests

Recently, a source that will remain confidential gained access to the 23andMe genetic results of America’s most popular news anchors and personalities. They shared these results with us here at the Madison Misnomer in hopes of getting this information out to the world. While fake news media outlets would have buried or spun this information, the Madison Misnomer is a proponent of impartiality and not giving a fuck. The genetic test results of 22 anchors have been diligently analyzed and deciphered. After months of hard work and sleepless nights by the staff at the Misnomer, we are proud and obligated to present to the public this shocking genealogy of those news anchors who dominate the airwaves and deliver the world’s happenings to millions of Americans.

Summary of the results: Of course, as all news anchors are, the listed ones below were not conceived but assembled using a portion of the life force of their predecessors as a binding agent in patented labs owned by Fox Corporation and Turner Broadcasting Systems. Because of this, a significant portion have hemophilia, a genetic disorder of the blood. The carriers of this condition are labeled for the ease of the reader. This appears to stem from the late Walter Cronkite who was one of the original models used to construct several news anchors.


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