National State of Emergency Declared After Hooter’s Bankruptcy

ATLANTA, GA - The nation is in full panic mode right now after Hooters, a beloved American institution and staple of our country’s food industry, announced it was exploring filing for bankruptcy in order to manage its debt. In response to the alarming news, the federal government declared a full national state of emergency and pledged to direct significant resources to manage what they called, “one of the most dangerous financial crises our nation has seen in this century.”

Hooters was founded just over 40 years ago in 1983 in Clearwater, Florida. The six genius businessmen who founded it initially intended for it to be an April Fool’s Joke, unaware of the cultural icon they had created. Much to their surprise, the restaurant took off and became a juggernaut in the industry for decades. However, the famed haven for wings that many fathers took their sons to while staring at women who were not their wives has been struggling lately; rising costs and debt combined with declining foot traffic have forced the business to begin exploring alternative financial decisions, including the dreaded bankruptcy.

Sadly, the demise of a legendary American icon in Hooters is just another example of the Woke Left tearing apart the fabric of American family values. It’s clear the Washington globalist elite will stop at nothing to destroy the hallowed grounds where 12-year-old boys would ogle scantily-clad waitresses. By throwing around absurd terms like “female objectification”, the radical communists of the Democratic Party have shamed proud, red-blooded Americans for enjoying the simple pleasures in life: wings and women.

Despite the dire circumstances, many influential figures have bravely spoken out and taken a stand to defend the company. NBA star Devin Booker heroically tweeted “Plz don’t go @Hooters” after the news was announced, paying homage to the times when his father, Los Angeles Lakers star Luka Doncic, would take him to Hooters after basketball practice. Other figures like Miami Heat player Kevin Love and golf influencer Paige Spiranac also voiced their support for the essential American institution.

Even with the outpouring of support, the future of Hooters remains uncertain. It will take the thoughts and prayers of millions to save Hooters from the evil clutches of the left’s radical DEI agenda, and the support of all you readers is needed. A Save Hooters School Walkout is being planned for this upcoming Thursday at 10:30 AM across the UW-Madison campus. If you’re in class, take a stand and exit class, holding your fist high in the sky to display your solidarity with Hooters and the beloved American traditions it represents. This is a battle that cannot be won without the support of the masses, but together, with the power of friendship, Hooters can be saved.