California Students Declare State of Emergency After First Snowfall of Year

MADISON, WI - It was shaping up to be yet another typical Saturday morning in Madison, at least it was until the first flakes of snow began to fall from the sky. Many seasoned Midwestern students simply shrugged it off, admired the pretty view for a couple of seconds, and went back to their daily business. After all, snow is one of many unchanging cogs in the gear of seasons, and this was nothing out of the ordinary, albeit slightly later than usual. However, not every student had such a calm reaction.

Sophia Janswood, a freshman Nursing major from Orange County, California, froze as she emerged from Starbucks and stared in dismay at the tiny white flakes falling from the sky. Suddenly, one minuscule snowflake hit her cheek, at which point she let out a piercing scream, “WHAT IS HAPPENING?” 

Even though she had her $200 Uggs on, she took off in a dead sprint back to her $1600/month apartment that her movie studio executive father pays for, slipping and falling several times along the way.

Upon returning to the safe and snow-free interior of her apartment, Janswood immediately cranked the heat up to 78 degrees and went on Instagram Live to share the disastrous news with the tens of people watching. “You guys, this is totally not happening! How can they just like let this happen to the students? I’ve been to Northern California before, so I know what winter weather looks like, and this is not it. This must be the biggest storm they’ve ever seen, and they just let students get attacked by the brutal elements! What kind of school does that? Uhh, why couldn’t Daddy get me into Stanford?”

While Janswood initially considered several options to deal with her predicament, including asking her parents to sue the school for endangering its students, the California native eventually settled on one option: forming a union of California students opposed to snow. She filled out the necessary paperwork with ASM, and within a day, the Association of California Students was born. Putting out the word on social media, the AoCS was able to amass an impressive 36 members in just 12 hours of existence. However, the group’s class standing seemed a bit skewed, with 35 freshmen and one sophomore transfer student from UCLA. 

On AoCS’s Instagram page, the organization declared a “Winter Weather State of Emergency” and posted what it called its “list of demands for the University of Wisconsin-Madison”. The list includes items such as “ensuring that no students are ever struck by snowflakes ever again”, “controlling wind speeds so that no students are blown astray by harsh gusts”, and “regulating temperature to a range between 67 and 85 degrees”. The club also sent an email with these demands to the UW Administration, where they were met with an invitation to take Atmospheric & Oceanic Sciences 100: Weather and Climate.

The Misnomer caught up with some California students who decided not to join the club to hear their take on the situation. Ryan Werlin, a junior from Bakersfield, told the Misnomer, “Honestly, it’s just a phase everyone who comes from a warm-weather state goes through. When I was a freshman, I thought I’d never survive the winter, but here I am. Get some boots and a nice, heavy winter coat, and get ready to face the inevitable. It’ll only get worse after winter break, so they'd better quit whining and start preparing. I put on four layers of coats and slather myself with antifreeze so that not a single inch of my skin drops below 80˚.” 

We are projected to get a few more inches of snow next week, so walk carefully and watch out for any more California crashouts.