DHS Raids Wrong Building, Kills Every Single Dog at Pet Shelter

PITTSBURGH, PA

A late night raid conducted by the Department of Homeland Security agents with Secretary Kristi Noem at the lead ended in disaster after the wrong building was targeted. A recently unsealed warrant that was issued to the agency revealed that the raid was being conducted to foil a high-profile drug operation in an abandoned warehouse near the industrial district. However, bad intel and poor coordination by the department led the agents to mistakenly target a local pet shelter a block away from the warehouse. Acquired CCTV footage shows agents reportedly gathered outside the front and back entrances, using explosives to blast open the minimum-security glass doors. Agents then swarmed the building, agitating the various types of dogs and cats being kept at the shelter. According to eye-witnesses and security footage, upon discovering the animals in the shelter, Kristi Noem proceeded to draw her service handgun and shoot every dog in the shelter. Reportedly, none of the animals had escaped their enclosures, but Noem went through the entire store, firing into each cage without protest from the other agents. 

Following the raid, the Department of Homeland Security released a statement saying that the agency did not in fact make any errors in its targeting of the business, but that “the business should not have been where we thought the warehouse was supposed to be”. Spokespeople refused to comment on Noem’s actions during the raid, and denied any correlation to past actions by the secretary. However, some critics are claiming that this could be a part of the reasoning behind Noem’s removal as Secretary of Homeland Security. More to come as the Misnomer requests interviews with the store owner and cat witnesses.