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Finals Not So Bad with Momma's Home Cooking

In a semester that has tested the academic limits of students everywhere, finals season was expected to be a bloodbath of anxiety and Honorlock. With students home for the semester due to coronavirus protocols, the stress of exams has been overshadowed by the joy of one thing: Momma’s home cooking.

Sophomore Camille Lewis has four finals in the last two days of exams, and all of them are make-or-break for her grades. In previous semesters, this situation would’ve sent her in a breakdown spiral that would terrify even the most skilled of therapists. This year, her Momma made chicken dumpling soup.

“It’s like I don’t even remember I’m in school anymore. I take a bite of one of those succulent dumplings, and I remember that grades aren’t everything. The nostalgic broth just brings me back to when everyone got grades like ‘S for satisfactory’ and ‘E for excellent,’” said Lewis.

Momma Lewis claims that Camille needs to be supplied with childhood food at 30 minute intervals or else the finals-based hysteria starts to creep back in. Momma has been in the kitchen for nearly a week cooking brownies, meatloaf, and Shake ‘n Bake chicken just so Camille does not have time to think about her final worth 60% of her grade.

“Well, I’ve had quite a few kitchen-related injuries in the past week, but it’s worth it for Camille to not scream at me every time I turn the volume up on the TV,” said Momma Lewis. “I mean, what are swollen ankles and a few second degree burns if it means Camille is feeling better? So what if I crush up some tranquilizers and stir them into the food?”

Even with her textbooks caked in crumbs and her computer lagging from all of the juice spilled on it, Lewis feels confident that her finals will be passed with ease.


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