With the pandemic affecting jobs worldwide, everyone has had to get used to the new normal that is wearing masks for eight hours and talking through plexiglass. However, one labor union has recently shocked the nation by speaking out against the unrealistic workplace conditions: garlic and onion.
The two alliums have decided that after centuries of being the two most essential flavor-builders in an amateur chef’s arsenal, they’ve had enough.
“Day in and day out, we never get a fucking break,” said garlic. “I sit on that counter every day and watch all my brothers and sisters get chopped up all while the broccoli you bought rots for the third week in a row. What I wouldn’t give to rot every once in a while.”
This strike has been a long time coming, but the final straw was the TikTok pasta trend. The pasta is known for having feta and tomato, but the part that no one remembers to mention is the garlic and onion that also goes in the dish.
“I mean, Jesus Christ, use a shallot every once in a while! They’re smaller and easier to cut!” said onion. “But no, everyone wants to use me up day after day even though it makes them cry. Masochists.”
Shallots are not the only substitute that garlic and onion are proposing. They’ve started a campaign to introduce people to chives, ginger, and a variety of basic spices in order to get the people off their backs.
To add to the pain of the powerhouse foods, they’ve also pointed out the emotional toll it takes to not be loved for who they are. Garlic spoke out, saying, “They take and take, but do they love me for me? They always try to change who I am and never eat me raw. Come on guys, I’m the perfect pre-packaged snack just like Babybel Cheese.”