Hometown hookups can be tricky. We’ve all played the classic game “do they want to fuck or have we just not talked since high school and we’re sort of mutuals?” This holiday season, the Misnomer is here to help you smash those “sort of” friends from high school. No more funny business, no more “will they won’t they,” no more having to go to family Game Night on Zoom because you don’t have a hot date. If you’ve been drooling over Jenn from 10th grade science since she got hot, we have tips for you!
1. Say “Woah, fancy meeting you here aha” on Tinder.
No explanation needed. DO NOT forget the “aha”
2. Swipe up on that Insta Story
Nothing says “ayo baby I didn’t pay attention to you in high school but you’re hot now so let’s smash” than a quick swipe up on an Insta Story. Try out a “woah that’s sick!” or “haha” or even use the suggested emojis to save time.
3. Bring up 10th grade science
A foolproof way to attract a lover is bringing up their awkward phase. Tell her you thought she was so weird and nerdy in 10th grade science with her British YouTuber obsession and color coded notes, but now that she’s a DG she’s super hot. Your inability to talk about anything but the past will definitely turn her on.
4. Two words: Eggplant Diet
Once you have been going strong with the DMs and messages, hit her with the one week eggplant diet. The eggplant diet consists of only sending the eggplant emoji for one whole week. It’s super healthy and probably Keto and shit so Jenn will love it.
5. Subtweet
Something mysterious and vague like “Anyone else want to fuck their 10th grade lab partner who is now a totally hot Delta Gamma? #homefortheholidays”
6. Tik Tok dance
Probably shirtless. Definitely hip swaying. Tag her and she’s yours!
7. Use a condom
Don’t forget to practice safe sex while you totally nail Jenn from 10th grade science. Make Mr. Anderson proud!