A letter from the editor:
Well, I tried. The writers rejoiced when the Cum Ban was lifted, and there was one jubilant week of unfiltered cum content. They giddily wrote cum headlines filled with so much jizz, spunk, ejaculate–you name it! We posted a couple of articles that centered cum, and they were a hit! The fans were clamoring for more!
But at what cost?
Readers, I’m not sure if you know this, but I personally have to read each pitched headline aloud during our weekly meetings. All of them. So, when the cum floodgates were finally released, I was the one drowning. We’d been built up–edged, if you will–for too long, and it made us overcompensate for all of the lost time. I’d reckon that during the first meeting after the Cum Ban lift, I had to read upwards of 50 cum headlines back-to-back.
I’ll let you in on a secret: I think cum is downright disgusting. And I’m not some wilting lily who doesn’t like gross things! Shit and piss? That’s capital-C Comedy. But not cum. Beneath my mask, the face I was making was akin to that of a person who just smelled a garbage can full of fish that had been fermenting in the hot July sun for weeks. To be fair, I was not the only one that was repulsed. A few of the jokes earned involuntary groans from the room, and there were certainly a fair share of headlines that resulted in a chorus of “oh god,” “Jesus Christ,” and “Bleugh!”
I can’t do it anymore. I can’t walk to our meeting every week mentally fortifying myself for the onslaught of cum I’m about to face. The Cum Ban must be reinstated.
Frankly, I do not care if this makes me a dictator. I will happily be deemed an unfair tyrant if it spares me from hearing all of the wacky ways my close friends think cum should be extracted and used. I’m sorry, readers, but the Madison Misnomer will not be your source for cum jokes for the remainder of my reign.
Editor-in-Chief, The Madison Misnomer