Studies are beginning to show that the amount of layers a young male wears strongly correlates with his tendency to refer to every actor by their first name, regardless of if he knows them personally or even likes them. This certainly proves true for eventual film school dropout Carter Bannock, whose overly personal attitude towards Hollywood actors and Kohl’s jackets has led to his friends staging an intervention.
“He’s wearing leather. I don’t think a single soul on this earth wears leather if they’re not having kinky sex, but he’s always wearing leather.” This is what a shivering Cailyn Chiltz had to say at a weekly support group for people who have lost a loved one to arthouse cinema. “He’ll say some shit like ‘this is kind of a Robert moment’ knowing full well that everyone else in this conversation has had sex. Also Robert could be literally anybody,” clamored a flustered Chiltz. Several other members of the arthouse cinema rehab group had mentioned frustrating experiences with loved ones wearing several denim coats and multiple band t-shirts on top of each other.
“I wear so many layers because a true artist keeps his innermost content veiled by countless layers, and because my body is shitty and frail. These two are connected somehow, but the connection is vague and ambiguous, a la the works of David.” We have no fucking clue who David is; it could be Fincher, Lynch, or the guy from the Bible, and we will never know because this guy is wearing three jackets.