I woke up yesterday morning just absolutely devastated by my still-existent virginity and decided that I was fed up. It was time to take matters into my own hands. I rolled out of my dorm room XL-twin bed to walk to the bathroom, and as I passed Brad juuling in his room it hit me: first his cotton candy flavored vape cloud, second that I must buy a Juul in order to get laid.
I asked Brad where he got his Juul from and he looked at me, smoke billowing out of his mouth. “They’re, like, everywhere dude”. Thus began my search. I walked down State Street, eyes peeled for a fluorescent sign reading “JUUL”. Not even 5 minutes into my walk I found it. As I handed over my $45 for a Juul starter pack I felt an overwhelming sense of relief; I couldn’t wait to fuck.
Well, it’s been 24 hours now and not a single girl has asked for a hit of my Juul or a hit of my dick. I’ve been walking up and down the streets nonstop, Juuling as much as humanly possible.
I’ve already gone through 3 Juul pods and I can feel the pure nicotine pumping through my veins. Am I doing something wrong? I bought a Juul, so why am I not drowning in pussy? I can’t figure out why this isn’t working. I can feel my lungs collapsing as I speak. Please help me.