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Op-Ed: MFA? Yeah I’ll Give You Two Factors: My Cock and My Balls



November has passed and our new multi-factored overlords are now in full effect. Multi-Factor Authentication is now the law of the land. The barrier of entry to the websites you hate the most has been doubled. There are a lot of reasons to hate this change, even if it is well-intentioned.


Right off the bat, there is possibly no data that I value less than my Canvas data. I’m no expert on the subject, but I’m not sure how much real hacker-esque harm you can do to me by accessing my shitty grades. If you want to experience my C in Math 222 firsthand, go ahead. Now I have to go through twice the effort to see that my Philosophy teacher wants my writing to ‘incorporate more direct quotes.’ I will never do that shit, sir. As a matter of fact, even if you can do harm by hacking into my Canvas, just do it. Finish what I started.


Every time you log in through the MyUW portal you are prompted to use the Duo app on your phone to verify that this is you. In order to use my phone, I need to use my phone to authenticate my phone. As someone who cannot authenticate myself, I wish my phone the best in this time of reflection, but I just have a hard time believing that this is the best way to do things.


If you don’t have your phone with you, I think you’re just fucked. What about if I have a flip phone? What about the Amish? What if I don’t carry around my phone? There are plenty of completely nonsensical reasons to be mad about this. As a student and someone who is looking for relatable things to dislike when talking to girls in social settings, it is my duty to hate this system.


So MFA can suck the Duo that is my nads and verify the factor that is my member. If you really want to hack my student information, feel free. I would probably text you whatever information if you really wanted it, but this works too. My NetID actually is ‘bbadger,’ and my password is too. Could you finish my post-lecture survey for CA250? It’s a completion grade, don’t worry. Thank you, and happy hacking.

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