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Op-Ed: Y'all Eat the Food Delivery Bots With or Without the Shell?

Dear readers, I have a real serious question for all of you. I’m sure we’ve all seen and maybe even gotten food from the new food delivery bots on campus. This brings me to my question; are you supposed to eat the shell or just the food inside? I know with apples and potatoes all the nutrients are in the skin, but every time I try biting into the hard plastic all I get is the sound of an alarm going off and a chipped tooth.

Before you ask, yes, I’ve already considered that the snackbot is like an orange, not an apple, but peeling the skin is even harder than biting through it. I would know, I have a $500 fine for trying to peel the last snackbot I got food from, which is apparently “unlawful,” “not becoming of a UW student,” and “the behavior of someone going through a psychotic episode.” In short, I know you don’t just peel the skin, but the officer who responded to my last snackbot encounter didn’t say anything about eating the snackbot.

My other thought is that you crack it open like a lobster claw, but I feel like if that were the case they’d at least have the courtesy of including a comically large hammer or claw cracker and some melted butter to dip the robot meat in. If they’d given me something to break it open with I’d go to town on that bad boy, but alas, it appears that UW Madison is not becoming a robotic red lobster.

Well, readers, I feel like if I’ve ruled out peeling and cracking the only option is to just suck it up and eat the shell. In the ads, they show the robots opening up to give you your order, but I never downloaded the app or read the instructions for how ordering worked so I just assume they’re just a mystery box you gotta hunt down. I guess my only option is to get back on the illegal bone growth supplements to strengthen my teeth and keep on chomping down on them little electronic apples.


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