This message is being translated into multiple languages and also being sent to my Instagram story, Twitter story, Facebook story, Snapchat story, and the girl from PoliSci who is friendzoning me: tbh im a nice guy and i feel like girls r only looking for assholes who they know will use them and see them for their bodies :(
To our students, faculty, and staff, but mostly the cute, kinda alt girls who live a floor below me in Sellery hehehehe ^_^
Our campus is continuing to monitor the growing rate of toxic masculinity :( , not treating women like queens :\ , and frat bros at parties who are taller and more handsome than me, but who are also presumably not good people and should somehow be seen as less attractive from a moral standpoint >_>
In light of these recent announcements, we have decided to take several precautions for the rest of our lives:
Im gonna wear my ACDC t-shirt more often to give the vibe that im kinda a badass >:)
We will shift to an alternate delivery of courses to provide a more effective solution to the problem(im gonna change my major to psych hehehehe)
I am going to develop several longstanding sexual depravities and urges
:3 tame impala party! :3 anyone who LOVES tame impala can come
Same amount of high fives to girls in the hallway who are going out to sorority parties
Same amount of opening my dorm door whenever I hear the slightest sound of speech
Should you decide to travel away from Madison in response to this update, you are a whore and are disgusting and are part of the problem and I will say unspeakable things to you in private.
I share the disappointment of all petite cuties ^_^ who are looking for someone to settle down with but keep coming across guys that don’t see the true value of the feminine form and spirit...
If this message raises questions about your situation, contact the guy on your dorm floor that says hi the most but goes out the least.
Please continue to take care of yoursewf :3 and your famiwy and your beautiful body but also your beautiful mind,