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UW-Madison to hire Tim Walz as defensive coordinator of football team



MADISON, WI - After suffering two losses in their past three games against Alabama and USC, the University of Wisconsin has announced the hiring of a new defensive coordinator - Vice Presidential candidate Tim Walz. The hire comes at a crucial time for the Badgers, as their defense has come under fire in recent weeks, allowing a combined 80 points against the Trojans and Crimson Tide. 


Athletic Director, Chris McIntosh, was optimistic about the hire in a recent press conference, saying, “We’re excited for what Tim can bring to the program. His defensive schemes are very unique and innovative, and we’re looking forward to the rest of the season with him leading the defense”. 


In addition to his lengthy political resumé, Walz has an impressive coaching history dating back to his time as a public school teacher. He joined the staff of Mankato West High School in Minnesota as a defensive coordinator in the late 90s on the heels of the program losing 27 straight games. Just three years later, in 1999, he led the team to its first state championship and followed it with another in 2002. 


Walz gave his own formal announcement at a recent campaign event in Wisconsin, telling Badger fans, “As vice president, you can trust me to secure the Mexican border and prevent any illicit drugs from entering. As defensive coordinator, I will secure our end zone and prevent any opponents from entering.” Analysts noted Walz’s Midwestern connections could play a key role in recruiting players, and his 4-4 system is similar to the brand of football Wisconsin typically plays.


The hire received mixed reactions across social media. Taylor Swift, a notable supporter of the Harris-Walz campaign, reposted an ESPN post announcing the hire to her Instagram story, causing the post to gain 20 million likes in under 24 hours. One Swiftie went on to say, “The only football players I know are Travis Kelce and the Patrick guy. But after Taylor posted that, I knew that Wisconsin would become my new favorite team. Go Bulldogs! Or Badgers, whatever their name is.”


Some, however, were not as praising of the hire. Former President Donald Trump went after Walz on Truth Social, posting, “Tim Walz is a FRAUD! His state championships were RIGGED!!!”. 


He later continued at a speech that evening, telling his supporters “You know he had D1 commits all over that roster. He had kids committed to Georgia, kids committed to Michigan, to Texas. I could’ve won with that roster. Heck, even Sleepy Joe could’ve won with that roster. He was giving them PEDs too you know. Steroids. All of them. All that he’s going to do is indoctrinate these kids with his woke liberal ideology and allow illegal opponents to run rampant all over the field”.


Walz’s hire will be a make-or-break moment for both the Badgers and the Harris-Walz campaign. The Badgers currently sit at 3-2, and with a difficult conference schedule including the likes of Oregon and Penn State, their defense will need to rise to the occasion. Wisconsin is projected to be a key battleground state yet again, and many adult voters make the extremely rational decision of basing their vote on things as important as the success of their favorite football team. Walz and the Badgers continue their season on the road against Rutgers this Saturday and hopefully for Walz, they’ll bring home the victory.



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