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6 Alternative Hand Drying Techniques to Fit Your Busy Lifestyle

Blows water straight onto your crotch

There’s nothing more off-putting than transferring the water from your wet hands right onto your dry pants, and you sadly give off that same vibe! Just like when people dodge the dryers that launch the water straight towards your sensitive bits, people love to swerve the hell out of you when they see you lurking.

Dyson Airblade

You’re the hottest shit in town and not even a little humble about it. You know that when people see you, they swoon and start hyperventilating from excitement that might even be sexual. The other hand-dryers beg you to tone down the charisma, but why the hell would you do that?

Paper Towel (retro)

If you’re one of those people that would wear pantaloons just to make people ask about your ancient wardrobe, you’re the annoyingly retro paper towel! The whole world seems a bit too advanced and technological for you, and you never stop telling people how quirky you are for it.


Just like the nudists, you prefer to go au naturale when it comes to sopping wet hands. When you see someone use a paper towel or (God forbid) a hand-dryer, you can’t help but go into a fit of convulsions simply from the thought of anything other than being dry quickly.


This is you if you’re someone that adores to make any problem even worse just for shits and giggles. Hands are wet? Damn the drying mechanism straight to hell! Let’s make them drip for a little bit longer using this bubbler!

Very Thirsty Child

Ever had a impoverished child beg to lick the water off of your hands after you wash them? If not, have you ever felt so severely desperate that you’d take anything you could get? There’s just something deep down in you that wouldn’t be opposed to sucking the water straight off of a stranger’s hands all for the chance to get tipped a nickel. Some people would say to not be ashamed, but in all honesty, it’s downright fucking odd.


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