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8 Fun Facts That Only a Campus Tour Guide Can Tell You Mid-Coitus

That’s right, kids. When they’re not showing prospective families the hidden gems of the UW-Madison campus, tour guides like to partake in only the most informative intercourse. Tour guides have primal, animalistic urges too, and if you find yourself lucky enough to be in the presence of such an urge, you might learn a couple things about UW that you never knew. Remember to try to keep up, tour guides like a brisk pace. Here’s a few fun facts straight from an anonymous tour guide fucker:

1) Wisconsin has over 15,000 lakes. Tour guides appreciate wetness.

2) The university of Wisconsin owns over 10,000 acres of land, and one tour guide can plow you through all of it.

3) Abe’s foot isn’t the only thing on campus you can rub for good luck.

4) The state Capitol building was completed in 1917, making it over 100 years old. The only other thing that can last that long is a UW tour guide’s stamina in bed.

5) Madison is home to the largest brat festival in the country. Madison is also home to a different kind of large sausage fest, as you will soon find out.

6) The UW-Madison campus is placed on an Isthmus, a long strip of land between two lakes. Tour guides are big fans of landing strips.

7) Wisconsin is called the Dairy State because it is the birthplace of Vitamin-D production for use in milk. Tour guides like to do a show-and-tell for this part of the tour by putting some of their Vitamin D into some of your milk.

8) Bucky’s full name is Buckingham U. Badger. Most people think the ‘U’ stands for Ulysses, but only a tour guide can tell you it really stands for urine play, followed by a delicate wink.

For an escort to show you around campus, or for an escort to take you downtown ;), go to


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