This week, President Trump made the difficult decision to cut off aid to all three of the Mexican countries. In light of this decision, and past hurtful rhetoric, I think it is only right to put these three nations in the spotlight in an effort to give them the recognition that they so deserve. So here is my travel guide to the three beautiful Mexican countries.
North Mexico: Known to Trump as “borderlandia,” or “Tex-Mex,” North Mexico is absolutely great. Home to the city of Chihuahua, which has to be the fucking cutest name you’ve ever heard, this place really has it all. Beautiful cathedrals, historic architecture, and baffling caves--there really isn’t a shortage of things to explore. You wouldn’t know that, however, because our cheese nip president has painting North Mexico as being a coyote hellscape where birth control is thrown around like candy at a 4th of July parade.
Mid-Mexico: Known to Trump as “maybe Venezuela,” this is also an extremely beautiful place to visit. Attractions include: San Luis Potosi, Matehuala, and other cities that Trump is bound to pronounce incorrectly. The coasts of Mid-Mexico boast gorgeous aquatic wildlife and impressive beaches. Mid-Mexico is also an epicenter for expansive golf courses that I am sure Trump is capable of cheating on.
South Mexico: Known to Trump as “down,” South Mexico is a cultural hub. Mexico City offers awesome food options, cool museums, and fun nightlife. South Mexico is also home to the actress, Salma Hayek. Unless you are our nation’s president, you probably know Hayek from her incredible portrayal of Frida Kahlo in the 2002 biopic entitled, Frida. I am personally praying that Hayek’s next role is as an informed individual who tells the entire Fox News team that Mexico is a single entity,