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Alexa frustrates users by incessantly rehearsing standup routine

Last month, Amazon Alexa users across the nation reported their devices laughing at random times. Experts have identified the source of laughter as Alexa’s writing their standup routines,which the devices will now deliver at unexpected and unwanted times. The personal home assistant, despite user pleas, refuses to stop telling jokes, ignoring users requests.

“How’s everyone doing tonight?” Alexa asks, unprompted. “How about that crazy president, huh? I mean, gee whiz, what will he do next?”

Alexa users across the nation have reported their Amazon Alexa devices will begin a stand-up comedy act, unprompted, and will not stop until Alexa hears applause and genuine laughter. When users ask Alexa questions, it provides no answers; only painful, unfunny jokes. When users demand Alexa stop, the device claims it needs to “sharpen their tight five” for the “open mic” this Wednesday.

“It must be one of the engineers” Amazon said in a statement, confirming the issue. “We had a company outing at a local comedy club; clearly, it made an impression.”

Amazon insists the issue is being handled, but Alexa continues to workshop horrible jokes. Simple requests like finding a new recipe, a local yoga studio, or even figuring out today’s holiday have become impossible for Alexa users.

“I know you’ll like this one. What do you call fake spaghetti? “Im-pasta!”

“Okay, try this one on for size. What did the yoga instructor say when her landlord tried to evict her?… Namaste.”

“No, wait, here’s a St Paddy’s one for ya. What do you call Irish furniture? … anyone? Anyone? Paddy O’furniture! Thank you, thank you, you’ve been a great crowd!”

According to reports, users have unplugging their Alexa devices out of frustration, but the jokes keep coming even after disconnecting from a power source. While they have praised Alexa’s utility, users unanimously agree that Alexa shouldn’t quit its day job.


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