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Area Man Wonders If There's Enough Time to Masturbate Before Pizza Delivered


Last Saturday evening, local man Peter Donahue made the mistake of placing a pizza delivery order before masturbating. Donahue was then forced to contemplate the efficacy of rubbing one out before the delivery arrived.


“It’s a tricky situation. On one hand I don’t wanna have to stop halfway through to answer the door, but I also don’t want to sit around bored for the next half hour” Said Donahue.


“I guess I could just wait until after the pizza is delivered to do the deed, but then I’m gonna be thinking about pizza the whole time. Not that I haven’t done that before, but I’m not really feeling that tonight”.


After weighing his options, Donahue decided to compromise and passively watch pornography in his living room until his food arrived.


“Best case scenario? The delivery driver will see me what I’m watching and they’ll be interested in acting out one of those pizza delivery pornos with me, that’d be sweet,” said Donahue.


“Plus then afterward I’d have someone to eat this pizza with, assuming I didn’t put my dick in it or anything.”

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