Amanda Billings, 29, like many other people from her generation are increasingly finding themselves in situations that don't involve unaffordable housing, education, or healthcare, instead something much worse: an awkward conversation with a teenager.
“Some teenagers came up to me and said, hey that t-shirt of a cat you’re wearing, it’s pretty based. I was like huh? Based on what? And then they all pointed and laughed at me.”
Billings, like so many others above the age of 25, was shocked to learn that she was no longer in on the intricacies of the youth vernacular. “I was there when totez and fo shizzle were cool, am I old now?”
However, there is some hope for people like Billings. The Society of Unusual Slang, or SUS, aims to help people keep up to date with the terminology that people between the ages of 13 and 18 are using today. Meeting once a week, this group practices advanced slang theory in private in order to avoid public humiliation (or cringe behavior as the group has been told to call it.) Once a member has been deemed proficient in private study, they are asked to take a written test that checks for proper misspelling and grammar.
After that, the test club members are brought before a group of genuine grade A ,100% braindead, naturally raised, organic teenagers that have been selectively dragged off the street to participate in an oral examination. These teens are asked to grade every test taker in a variety of categories including vocabulary, diction, and technique. Once deemed proficient in slang, members are given a license to use modern slang freely anywhere at any time.
George Toolman, a 42 year old SUS Gold Card holder says “You need to be keeping up with this shit for real for real. There are constant changes to our collective dialogues, and if we don’t keep up to date with the words that the youth are using, we will lose touch with the best and brightest that our society has to offer and that’s not very sigma.”
Despite taking some initial lessons with SUS, Amanda Billings is still struggling to keep up with the rapidly evolving modern language. “Just the other day I was at a particularly hip restaurant, and the waiter was like: you gotta try out the quiche, that shit’s gas. I’ll never get over my embarrassment after saying: I sure hope it’s not.”
Note to the editor: make sure this article is updated at least every 2 days.
Kommentare