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Brandon Comes Back From Spring Break a Totally Different STD Carrier

Friends and classmates of Junior Brandon Duluth are expressing shock at how much he changed over spring break. According to reports, Duluth spent spring break exposing himself to new cultures, experiences, and strains of chlamydia.

“It’s all about exposure to new things,” said Duluth. “Some of those new things are gonna be great. Some of them are gonna leave you with itchy, discolored patchiness around your dong. It’s part of the process.”

“One look at him and you can tell he’s a changed man,” said friend Amy Heller. “I mean, he’s still just as gross and weird, but his symptoms are a lot more visible now.”

Duluth is seeking treatment, but is already planning out which infections he’ll be picking next year in Costa Rica.


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