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CBS Rattles the Cage with Another Fucking Cop Show




Fall is finally here, and with its arrival comes an abundance of new television shows. Some believe network television is dying, and the streaming age has come upon us. However, CBS executive Dick Guzinya seems to have other opinions. According to Guzinya, CBS will be introducing some new, fresh, groundbreaking work this fall: a cop show.


“To break it down in simple terms, Netflix and other streaming services do what we here at CBS like to call ‘played out television.’ It is very easy to create the shows Netflix does,” said Guzinya. “I mean a sexually-explicit animated show about middle-schoolers, featuring constant nudity and the personification of hormones into monsters? C’mon guys, very un-original.”


Guzinya proceeded to describe the upcoming CBS show he personally was excited about. 


“The show will be called ‘Detect Dave’ and will follow a grizzled New York detective named Dave.”


Guzinya said he was held under the highest oath to not share any more information, but then out of sheer excitement released a few extra details about the program. He explained that Detective Dave isn’t like most detectives. Apparently, he is a revolutionary profile when it comes to cop shows. Guzinya revealed that Dave is a white, male detective with an average build, a bit of an attitude, and doesn’t always follow the captain’s orders. 


“Boy oh boy, does he get into some sticky situations. Oh, I almost forgot! Get this, he likes alcohol and fucking women.”


Unfortunately, after the previous statement, Guzinya was let go from CBS. However, “Detect Dave” will still air on CBS this fall. It’s sure to be somewhere in the top 50 shows to keep an eye on. Watch out, Netflix!

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