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Compass Tattoo Spinning Wildly in Presence of Rival Compass Tattoo

Devin Holden, an employee at the Madison, Wisconsin Whole Foods is special--very special. Holden, a longtime resident of Madison and uncertified yoga instructor, is one of many men around the nation with compass tattoos.

“I got one because I once did shrooms in the middle of a Lowes and got lost. I found myself saying ‘Devin, if you just had a compass on you, you wouldn’t be lost.’ So that’s exactly what I did...I put a compass right on me. Damnit, I forgot to buy wood chips that day.”

Recently, Holden embarked on an odyssey of sorts. The story, one of hope and circumstance, is perhaps best retold verbatim.

“I woke up on Saturday morning and got ready to take a shower," said Holden. "I take one every Saturday. I look at my arm before hopping in and notice the compass arrow of my tattoo spinning like crazy. I was so shook. Don’t tell my boss at Whole Foods, but I’ve done a shit ton of experimental drugs and none of them produced hallucinations like the one I was experiencing on my arm. Anyway, so I forget about the shower and decide to focus on getting this arrow to stop spinning. I try standing in place, I try running around my house, and mind you, I still do not have clothes on. Forgot to put them back on after neglecting the shower. Then, after 17 hours of running and walking nude through my neighborhood, I notice a handsome guy across the street who is also naked. So of course my first thought is: put some damn clothes on, there’s children in this neighborhood. But here’s where it gets weird. I notice that he is also glaring at his arm, which has the same compass tattoo. And just like mine, that shit is spinning. So I walk over and stand next to him, and get this, both arrows stop spinning and point at each other.”

What’s most shocking about Holden's story--what makes it a sort of phenomena--is that the other guy’s name was also Devin. In conclusion, sometimes permanent tattoos can lead to permanent friendships. Both Devins have since moved in with each other and intend on opening a kombucha bar in the coming months. The tattoo shop where they received their compass tattoos is currently under investigation by the FBI. It is located in the same office as Michael Jackson’s doctor.


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