With Representatives Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Ilhan Omar breaking into the world of Twitch to connect with their constituents, a new idea has swept the country’s halls of government. Finally, the solution to our problems, the way to compromise between the radical left's desire of basic human rights and the totally reasonable right’s resistance to help anyone but themselves. The salvation of our nation? Feet pics.
“It’s so simple, it was right in front of us the whole time,” says a bewildered Nancy Pelosi. “Use the army of pathetic degenerate Americans to fund the pathetic degenerate Americans.”
The Democratic leadership got the idea from the amount of viewers commenting on the Twitch stream begging for nudes of their congresswomen. At first it was written off as the price of AOC and Representative Ilhan’s hubris, expecting to be both female and respected. But all that changed when subscriber Stinkydog88 commented that they would pay for feet pics of the representatives, and others in Congress’.
Since then, there has been a steady stream of income from the internet, with photos of Former President Barack Obama, and Senate Minority leader Chuck Shumer drawing the largest subscribers.
They are planning to expand into selling Senator Bernie Sanders’ bathwater to fund an increase in performing art grants later this year. The senator has expressed excitement for the program, if disappointment that he could sell the more sustainable shower water instead.
When asked about his thoughts on the oppositions new financial plan, Republican Rand Paul replied, “Are you fucking me, congress using their bodies and cold exploitative capitalism to run the government? I’m so hard right now I could punch a hole through Atlas Shrugged.”