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Desecrated Remains of Forgotten Meals Left to Rot in Mass Grave

Freshman Louis Carmichael was greeted with a petrifying sight on the morning of March 1st. Unbeknownst to him, roommate Nikolas Pavlovic committed culinary atrocities the evening before, leaving his cooking’s sullied remnants to decompose in the sink.

A clear violation of the Chill Roommate Convention, Section 302c sub. 2, Pavlovic is expected to undergo extensive criminal proceedings with the Roommate Council. While the third roommate, David Sanderson, has remained neutral, this may be enough to convince him to join the side of Carmichael in the ongoing onslaught.

This terrible development is merely the latest assault in a war of attrition that began when Carmichael began only cleaning his own dishes in an attempt to show Pavlovic the harm of his ways. Pavlovic is expected to argue that the dishes were merely soaking, a necessary part of the dish-washing process.


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