Drivers Rejoice as Frequent Jaywalker is Finally Hit by Car

Madison - Last week, drivers across the greater Madison area came together to celebrate the striking and subsequent injury of a notorious jaywalker. Jason Walker, who goes by Jay, who was said to have terrorized motorists for almost three years. The collision occurred at Johnson Street and East Campus Mall, as Walker was eager to get to his 8 AM Calculus lecture and just couldn’t wait the extra 30 seconds for the light to change. When asked about the pedestrian’s evil doings, a local SUV owner responded, “He had a heart of pure evil. He’d look you in the eyes, wait until you were going ten over the speed limit, then step out and make you slam your brakes.”  

The jaywalker’s mischievous actions have had lasting effects on his victims, with drivers citing his stunts as the cause of multiple spilled coffee cups, phones dropped between seats, ruined sessions of car karaoke, lost Subway Surfers runs, and much more. One man even claims that the shenanigans have caused his ‘underperformance’ in bed, assuring the Misnomer that this never happened before the jaywalker cut him off. Clearly, this scoundrel has made a name for himself across Madison’s roadways.

The auto owners are hopeful that the fate of this jaywalker will cause a movement to end jaywalking once and for all. When asked if she hopes this incident will inspire other jaywalkers to obey the law, a Madison driver responded, “Yeah, either less of them do it or more of them get hit, either’s fine with me.”

Though it seems the drivers have won the battle, the war is not over, and the citizens of Madison surely will await the pedestrians’ next move.