E-Boys and Other Things Cut From the Build Back Better Plan


Economists have made it clear that the United States must pass a large spending bill in order to recover the economy from the coronavirus recession. Efforts by progressive democrats in congress to pass sweeping historic legislation are being met with resistance by their conservative colleagues. As the bill nears passing, many authors of the original bill criticize the compromises that are being made; cutting spending on revolutionary programs. In a tweet storm yesterday, congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez compared spending in the original bill to the version that will soon be on the president's desk. Ocasio-Cortez forces Americans to wonder: will cutting E-boys from build back better be disastrous for the US economy?


Yes, the Left's plan to put neon in the hair and piercings through the eyebrows of our teenage sons is nothing new. Hawaii was the first state to legalize E-boys back in 2003, and to this day remains the only state that subsidizes their education. One Stanford study determined that E-boys were among the groups hit the hardest by the coronavirus pandemic, due in large part to Zumies and Hot Topics closing around the country.


Cutting spending on E-boys has become the left’s primary example of overreaching conservative policies. Build Back Better currently only includes 90 million dollars allocated towards E-boy spending and E-boy related social programs -- a measly 10% of the original plan. Democrats saw many other things cut from their original bill as well. Ocasio-Cortez pulled no punches as she called out republicans for cutting other vital parts of the plan, writing, “our legislation included overalls and a silly propeller hat for every American child under the age of 7 -- that’s totally gone from the bill. How is it fair that those funds are being put towards giving every high earning executive in our country a trap door button in their offices for belligerent naysayers. THIS IS NOT DEMOCRACY!”


To get an academic perspective, I sat down with Dean Chambelle, esteemed Northwestern University economist, to discuss the implications of cutting E-boys out of Build Back Better:


“Why have some economists identified E-boys as essential to our economy’s recovery process?”


Chambelle: “Have you seen what some of these boys are doing? I comment on these tik tok pages more than I text my own daughters. These boys are really remarkable.”


“In your opinion, how much should Biden prioritize spending on the E-boys?”


Chambelle: “The music, the clothes, and the dances! Goodness, I really can’t get enough of these dances. Do you watch them? The videos? You’d understand if you watched?”


“Please sir, let’s be professional. Your career has recently veered away from macro-economic policy to focus on publishing texts about E-boys, can you explain that to me?”


Chambelle: “Everything I did before Tik Tok was bullshit, if you can’t see that, I don’t see why we’re doing this interview.”