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Echoes of Rattling Chains in Memorial Library Cages Distracting During Crunch Time

As the bitter cold sweeps through the midwest, many students have found refuge in the cozy study spots on campus. However, it seems that the winter weather has brought more to Madison than just snow as many students have reported odd noises inside the cages of Memorial Library. Sounds of chains rattling and soft spoken Latin phrases have spooked numerous late night studiers out of the library since the semester has started.

Reports of the puzzling events in Memorial Library began shortly after the librarian returned from her Winter Break trip to a remote monastery in Peru. Coworkers were impressed with her newly acquired fluency in Latin but were soon apprehensive after she began to talk about her plans to “purge this campus of the damned.”

“I’m not sure what those students heard but I can assure you the cages are safe. I will personally lock you in. There’s nothing to fear. Bring your friends; the cages are freeing,” said the librarian.

Junior Maddie Denn was one of the many students traumatized as the result of the cages after finding a chain bolted into the floor alongside the phrase “abandon all hope ye who enter here” etched into the wooden table. With the first round of midterms just around the corner, many students are finding the new demons a real nuisance to deal with. Extreme caution and a minimum of three holy crosses are recommended for anyone who dares study in this cursed abode.


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