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Fruit Ninja Rebrands as Dating App for Vegans



You know all about Tinder; you’ve swiped right, you’ve swiped left, you’ve maybe even been horny enough to swipe up. But you’re vegan. There’s not enough space in Tinder’s “About Me” section to chronicle just how vegan you are. Even then, the app seems pointless, as the only sexual pleasure you know is kale-dependent. Luckily, an old friend is here to help: the developers of Fruit Ninja have published a dating app specifically for vegans.


The dating app is called Fruit Ninja 2 and is expected to feature lots of juicy fruits being shown, both peeled and unpeeled. Developer Shainiel Deo says the app incorporates the swipe right/swipe left structure of popular dating apps like Zoosk, OkCupid, and Tinder. However, in this case, any swipe in any direction will slice the fruit and produce an "instantly erotic sensation", Deo says.


Vegan junior at UW, Aidan Perrin, experienced a lot of confusion with the new app. “There is no aspect to it that involves dating. It’s just fruit being cut up. The app doesn’t allow me to meet other people at all. I will say though, it does put some lead in the pencil if you know what I mean. I look at the Badger Market fruit aisle way differently now,” admitted the rock-hard vegan.


The news follows the new wave of matchmaking services for niche groups, taking inspiration from infamous services like FarmersOnly and meet-an-inmate.com. These apps have seen lots of profit by limiting their domain of desperate singles to smaller groups. A recent example would be the new swipe app for virgins looking to stay virgins, Temple Run 3, or the site for teachers looking to fuck students, which is called Canvas.


In an ultimatum, Perrin decided he liked the app after all, conceding that relationships come in a lot of different forms, and that he came in a lot of different fruit. He does wish that the app could do something about all the weird looks he gets at the Badger Market now.

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