Everyone knows the only valid metric of social know-how is your virginity, and local priest Father Mendota isn’t seeming too cool.
“Dude, are you like a virgin?” asked sophomore Chaz Baker when he caught Fr. Mendota ogling a renaissance portrait of the Madonna nursing her child.
“N-n-no haha,” replied Fr. Mendota, “That’s so funny, why would you think that? I have certainly performed the rite of marriage culmination before. Are YOU a virgin?” (He whispered the last word.)
Of course he immediately felt the good ol’ Catholic guilt. I mean, lying to impress a teenager? What kind of spiritual weakness is that? The priest assigned himself a quick mental prayer and 9.6 rosaries (he skipped two decades, didn’t have enough time) for his penance.
Lord knows this guy really is celibate, and the Man Upstairs has decided He’ll let this one slide. He Himself said “Don’t worry, I’ll let him off easy this time. We’re kind of short on priests at the moment, so if you could refer some friends, that’d be great. They’ll even get a 30% discount on non-transubstantiated communion. Celibate or not, we’re kind a playing fast and loose at this point. Just no women.”