I can’t be-leaf it! Arbor Day has almost sprouted! Normal people celebrate it by planting a tree or even two (if you’re a tryhard), if you count celebrating Arbor Day as “normal”. However, this year I wanted to branch out and try something new. At first I was a little stumped but then I thought compiling a list of tree species I wood fuck is knot a bad idea.
1. Giant Redwood Tree
Who doesn’t like a nice tall tree? You think 6 feet is the minimum for a partner? Try 300 feet. Not to mention it takes like 7 or 8 people to wrap around it, so it’d be a good opportunity to try out an orgy, if I were into that kind of thing…
2. Bur Oak
With so many oak species out there, it was hard to choose just one. I would fuck every one, but out of them all, the bur oak is the obvious choice. Bur oaks have adapted and evolved for thousands of years to survive forest fires, which means when things get hot and heavy, I know it can stand up to the heat.
3. Sugar Maple
I don’t wanna sound too sappy but sometimes I need someone sweet. I know the sugar maple will treat me right. It’s already the state tree of Wisconsin, so it has that going for it, not to mention that it has hundreds, if not thousands of helicopters. Can I fly with them? Of course not, but it’d sure be cool to brag to my friends with my sweet little fuck buddy also has multiple helicopters.
4. Cherry Blossom
I got to be honest, the cherry blossom is more of an aesthetic fuck. It’s fairly unique from most other trees. It’s extremely beautiful and I’d definitely take some petals home with me. It’s just like taking $10 from your bad hookup’s wallets. However, just to be clear, I’d only fuck a cherry blossom if it was in bloom, it’s just plain boring otherwise and who’d want that?
5. American Chestnut
With both chest and nut in its name, how could I not choose the American Chestnut? It’s the best of both worlds. While it can’t get as big as the Redwood, the Chestnut is the perfect size. Sure, you’d brag about the redwood to your friends because of the size, but you know it’s too big. The Chestnut is the one you’d keep and bring home to meet the family.