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History of Genocide Overshadowed by Debate Between Canned or Homemade Cranberry Sauce

As the genocidal implications of celebrating the first Thanksgiving loom over this fun family holiday, many are expressing their strong tastes for certain yummy foods. One example of this is the strong debate between canned or homemade cranberry sauce. Questions and comments such as, “Which one do you like?!” and “I will literally die if you say you like homemade cranberry sauce,” overshadow questions like, “What are we really celebrating on Thanksgiving?” and “Are we racist?”

Some young members of a certain Johnson family engaged in this debate during an interview with the Misnomer yesterday.

“Yeah, see, I like canned cranberry sauce because of the way it holds its shape in an unsettling, alien-like way, but homemade is more healthy!” said one member of the family.

“Have you ever thought about the way we forcibly removed people from the land underneath us? Imagine someone coming in here and trying to remove us…” pondered another.

“I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU LIKE CANNED CRANBERRY SAUCE,” yelled a third member of the family, drowning out this second, irrelevant question.

Many are becoming involved in this riveting debate over social media. Will it ever be decided which one is better? Who knows! What we do know is that it is an extremely important question that matters a whole lot more than any other Thanksgiving conversations.


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