In the time following the passing of the great Queen Elizabeth II, many questions have been asked. How could this have happened? When will she be back? Why couldn’t it have been me? As the United Kingdom, nay, as the world continues to grieve our shared loss, we’ve learned some new and sobering information regarding the untimely passing of Her Majesty.
In a groundbreaking peer reviewed study conducted cooperatively by the Oxford Departments of Magick and Linguistics, data seems to point to occurrences of spontaneous manifestation as the most probable cause of our esteemed matriarch’s untimely passing. “Our research has found that it is possible for words and phrases to gain metaphysical, manifestive properties when repeated enough times. We saw that as the usage of “slay queen” and “'slay” increased in the United States, those phrases began to put energy out into the universe, known as manifestations. These manifestations were unfortunately directed towards killing Her Majesty.”, says Professor Winston Powell of the Oxford Department of Magick.
This shocking discovery has led newly-minted and quickly-oxidized former Prime Minister Liz Truss to place harsh sanctions on the United States as calls for accountability grow louder and louder. “Clearly the United States is incapable of not destabilizing nations worldwide. We lay the passing of Her Majesty directly at their feet, and will not rest until justice is served,” said Truss in self-run press conference mere hours after the release of the Oxford report. Tensions continue to rise as the serpent tongued Americans continue to deny fault for their heinous actions. American President Joe Biden, when asked about these findings simply replied “Sounds like a bunch of malarkey.”
To make matters worse, the usage of the word “slay” and other related terms doesn’t appear to be slowing down in the US either. Just as Achilles flaunted the slain corpse of Hector around the walls of Troy, the citizens of the US continue to spit in our grieving faces.