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"I'm my own Valentine this year" Says Woman About To Finally Snap

  • Writer: Emma Knutson
    Emma Knutson
  • Feb 14, 2019
  • 1 min read


Friends of Sophomore Ashley Everson have expressed concern about her mental state after Everson called herself her own valentine for the third year in a row.


“I don’t know how much more she can take,” said roommate Amanda Triste. “She’s bought herself four of those heart shaped chocolate boxes and is calling it ‘self love’.”


“She’s a walking ticking time bomb,” said friend Marnie Krass. “I wouldn’t want to be near her when it happens.”


Experts predict a full meltdown somewhere in between her third and fourth box of chocolates. When asked about her prospective breakdown, Everson seemed strangely at ease.


“Eh, at least I know how to make myself cum,” said Everson.

 
 
 

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