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"I'm my own Valentine this year" Says Woman About To Finally Snap

Friends of Sophomore Ashley Everson have expressed concern about her mental state after Everson called herself her own valentine for the third year in a row.

“I don’t know how much more she can take,” said roommate Amanda Triste. “She’s bought herself four of those heart shaped chocolate boxes and is calling it ‘self love’.”

“She’s a walking ticking time bomb,” said friend Marnie Krass. “I wouldn’t want to be near her when it happens.”

Experts predict a full meltdown somewhere in between her third and fourth box of chocolates. When asked about her prospective breakdown, Everson seemed strangely at ease.

“Eh, at least I know how to make myself cum,” said Everson.


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