Immediately after the announcement that Memorial Union rolled out their iconic Terrace Chairs on Thursday, disturbing reports came in that students were totally okay with farting on them.
Old blueprints of Terrace Chairs indicate that the Sunburst design was specifically crafted to adequately disperse farts, but that isn't stopping Memorial Union employees from condemning farters.
"Disrespectful," said Memorial Union Official Tim Balk. "We have a brand to maintain, so every single time we find out a chair was farted in we have to replace it. It gets really expensive really fast."
The University is in early talks of instituting a disciplinary system for correcting farters, primarily hiring Forensic Scientists to identify potential culprits by the smell of their farts.