Janitor Fired After Using Own Caulk


A motion for strike was submitted today by the United Service Workers-Northwest Branch union, the largest union for janitorial specialists in the United States. The motion comes after reports of a janitor by the name of Aaron Pieznawicki was fired for reportedly “making his own cleaning supplies” while on the job.


Pieznawicki had been a janitor working on contract for the city of Madison at the time of the incident. According to filed documents, Pieznawicki was working on winter bathroom repair and maintenance at the Metropolitan School District offices when he ran out of the provided caulking agent, forcing him to to manufacture his own.


“Ya know this woulda never happened if they had listened to my request for more caulk” stated Pieznawicki. “They got four fuckin floors in this building. That means 16 different bathrooms I gotta stuff. I mean sure on a good day I can do it, but that's a lot of caulk to ask of a man.”


As Pieznawicki recounts the incident, he had made it up to the third floor women's bathroom when his supplies of caulking agent ran out. Unwilling to spend the rest of his shift dealing with the “pencil pushing stiff dicks down at central” and reasoning that one white sticky substance is much like another, Pieznawicki snuck off to an empty stall and proceeded to augment his remaining caulking agent with a more handmade material. Pieznawicki's quick thinking was discovered a week later when regular work-hours resumed and an employee complained of the restroom facilities smelling like her son's laundry.


Legal counsel provided by the union have argued the incident was caused by state greed; classism, and an inability to provide proper materials, as opposed to any sanitation-related kinks their client may have.