MADISON, Wisconsin - In what is seen as a major setback for the rapidly expanding School of Computer, Data & Information Sciences, a recent shortage of knee high socks has seriously impacted students majoring in computer science at UW Madison. We talked with Thomas Petty, a highschool senior looking to enroll in the UW’s computer science degree program this upcoming year about the effects that he expects that this shortage will have on him and his future classmates.
“Going to college is only one of the big changes I'm thinking about making this year, and I’m really worried about how this shortage will affect my overall performance and wellbeing. Not only am I worried about how this will affect my programming, but my Celeste speedruns as well.”
Гирлмакер, the Serbian knee high sock factory which is only known as ‘The Egg’ in English, exploded last week under mysterious circumstances. Гирлмакер, which is the world’s largest manufacturer of knee high socks, is known to print socks with patterns of both vertical and horizontal stripes, the loss of which will have devastating effects on supply chain variety.
Stocks of stockings as well as other wonderfully long footwear have been dropping worldwide, exacerbating issues in a market that was already outpacing its own growth. As supplies of knee high socks continue to fall, prices have jumped to as high as almost 500% of the original sticker price. This leaves many in a pinch, especially those who are looking to get into programming.
“I just think that normal socks just aren’t all that conducive to programming” admitted Petty. “Being asked to create something completely new from the ground up is actually really difficult. I just think that in order to be my best self my feet, ankles, and calves should all be properly warm. Also you need shark plushies.”
Some teachers at UW CDIS have already begun speaking out about the effects that this shortage will have on students as the year goes on, and have reportedly already seen a dropoff in attendance.
“We haven’t seen an impact on our students like this since the great Monster Energy Drink spill of 2019” said Dr. Jean Emcoff, a professor in the Computer Science Department. “If we don’t see a major turnaround in knee high sock supplies in the next few months we’re going to have to ask the University to step in and start buying these socks for these kids, or else we’re going to have bricks going through windows.”
Ultimately, students like Petty agree. “It just doesn’t feel right typing :(){:|:&};: into my Linux terminal without any knee high socks on. Or a skirt. Or boobs.”