Citizens of Madison remain unsurprised as local nightclub Liquid is voted the “Best Place to Get Oral Herpes” for third year in a row.
“I can’t say I’m surprised,” says Dennis Sease, a frequent patron of the nightclub. “I entered the building for the first time and was just hit by this aroma of sweat and warm beer. I knew I was getting into something that would stay latent in my system for the rest of my life.”
Sease reports sores in and around his mouth only days after entering the club for the first time.
“What was weirder was that I didn’t really touch anything with my mouth. I think it just kinda occurred naturally, like I was in a miasma of disease.”
Sease states that he recommends everyone wear a dental dam at least “for the first time” attending the nightclub.
Employees of Liquid report that the third award will hang next to the other two: slightly crooked over the urinals in the men’s bathroom.