As a failed stand-up comedian, podcast star, and international asshole activist, Joe Rogan has been changing the landscape of Spotify incel-dom since 2013. From insensitive comedy specials to a conspiracy theorist podcast, Joe Rogan is one of the founders of using “I tell it how it is” as a way to hide his shitty personality. Now looking to take a more person-driven approach to being the biggest asshole in the room, he has also recently given The Misnomer an exclusive interview on his life dealing with his medical cross to bear: living with a micropenis.
Rogan was diagnosed with a micropenis at the age of 2, when they realized his dick size was not a developmental delay caused by being born in New Jersey but had instead already reached its maximum size of 2” rock hard. Mr. Rogan recalls being bullied for this fact, being taunted with names like “loser,” “weeaboo,” and “stop showing us your skittledick you freak.” Rogan says he did what every alpha male should and channeled this pain into an interest in knock-off martial arts and a hatred of women and minorities.
Mr. Rogan claims his micropenis has been a major source of encouragement for him, as his lifelong goal was to one day become wealthy enough to pay someone to touch it. This goal has also driven him to his political ideals; he has an intense desire to see money become the only thing that matters in life so that people will forget about his social and physical inadequacies.
“Yeah, the dick problems were kind of a mood killer on dates. I’d try to save it by saying, ‘Don’t worry, I have more dick in my personality,’ but they never laughed,” recalled Rogan as a single tear rolled down his cheek.
Mr. Rogan’s affliction was not always a detriment, however. When working the comedy nights at strip clubs in Boston, Rogan could guarantee a laugh by simply pulling down his trousers and comparing himself to the nearest stripper of any gender. He claimed the tips from both amused and concerned patrons alike was the only way he could afford going to college until he flunked out.
Since making it big, Mr. Rogan has donated $15 million dollars to penis enlargement procedures, stating he hopes to make the world a safer and more welcoming place for his oppressed white male brethren.